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My Son No Longer Sucks

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The Joke’s On Me

Oh man. Why is it that women cannot tell jokes? My best guess is that the risqué nature of many jokes has kept them the province of men. But few qualities are as attractive in a chick as the unexpected ability to tell a ripsnorter.

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Sorry Charlie

I Melt With You

For years now I’ve been told I do three things exceptionally well. #1 is making tuna melts. #2 I can’t mention here because my mother-in-law reads this. And #3 …

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coal miners in Red Lion, PA, 1946

MythBusters – Parenting Edition

At Gymboree last week a woman nodded in the direction of the cavorting toddlers, smiled at me and said, “Which one’s yours?” I shrugged and began to tell her, “No kids. I’m just some sketchball.”

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kiddie pool

Sink Or Swim

Oh man. Wasn’t it summer like, a few hours ago? Weren’t we just complaining about the heat? From now on if I take my son swimming, it’s on borrowed seasonal time.

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Rock Meadow

Sex And The Suburbs, Part Deux

Oh man. It’s our third month since moving from Manhattan to the Boston suburbs. I’d like a falafel, please.

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Kristen Stewart in Snow White and the Huntsman

The Mothership Connection

Oh man. I’ve been lying low, mostly owing to intense media scrutiny over my alleged affair with Kristen Stewart. Sorry to disappoint any tabloid hacks looking for a sound bite, but I will neither confirm nor deny the affair.

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Fox's pets, Haywood and PJ

Dog Days

Oh man. Technically I have only one offspring. But I’m going to start counting my wife as a second child. For starters, she has the culinary preferences of an eight year-old. Sarah’s favorite foods include Pop-Tarts, Cookie Crisp cereal, and Hostess Sno Balls.

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Deflated - image by Skateblizz via flickr

Chaos Theory

Oh man. This month is from hell. It began with a tortuous move from the city to the suburbs. Our movers kept complaining about the stairs on our front stoop, as though negotiating stairs wasn’t part of the job description. You’d think we’d concealed the true location of our Manhattan apartment building, and instead led […]

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photo by hopefulhero via flickr

End Of The Nanny State

So we’ve moved from Manhattan to the Boston suburbs. A few days ago we loaded up the sedan with toddler, dog, cat, and whatever possessions we couldn’t entrust to the movers. I packed the trunk tighter than a crab’s ass.

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